Burn the Bridge. How Your Mind Is Tricking You Into Playing Small.
Negative emotions are a result of an error in thinking.
So if you feel bad, unsettled, nervous or anxious – you should examine your thoughts.
I always get weird feelings when I am about to embark on something new like a relationship, my marriage last year or a business.
As soon as my little prince (that’s how Jen Sincero calls the rather destructive part everyone has in their minds in her ‘You are a badass…’ books, and I love that expression) senses that it now gets serious – he wants OUT.
Expanding things are scary for him.
He doesn’t want to be in a good healthy relationship or marriage.
He doesn’t want to build up a sustainable business.
He doesn’t want that everything runs smooth and elegant. Because when everything is running smooth and polished, there is no space for him to exist. The wounded Ego lives by drama, so the only way to stay alive, to experience himself is for the little prince to come in like a wrecking ball and to break down everything with a crash and/or to silently smuggle thoughts of doubt into your mind.
“Is he REALLY serious with me? I think he is with another woman. I saw a suspicious glaze in his eyes yesterday. I’m sure he is cheating on me. Of course he is. Look at this belly fat and my crooked thighs. How could he love THAT.”
Ever experienced something like that?
How do you feel when you have thoughts like that?
And is this the reality or just random shit swirling around in your mind?
Your little prince feeds you with ridiculous thoughts to avoid you getting entirely into the relationship. Why? Because he wants to keep you safe. And it’s safer without a partner because nobody can hurt you like your dad did when he walked out of the door when you were four years old – as long as you don’t let anybody come so close to you that he COULD hurt you.
That’s how the little prince works, and we can’t be mad at him because he doesn’t know better. But we can learn to acknowledge his little mind games and then choose differently.
Your emotions can be a good indicator for that. If you notice yourself feeling weird – anxious, jealous, tensed, sad – check your thoughts. Your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings create your reality. Just because you THINK something, it’s not necessarily REAL, but as soon as you FEEL it, it becomes your REALITY, so you then act as if it was real, which creates actual RESULTS in your life.
You, for instance, start a fight with your new flame because of your jealous feelings, that was a result of your thoughts, which creates a real breakup which then makes you feel even worse.
Your little prince loves that because it proves him right.
“See, he was a stupid asshole anyway. I’m better off alone!” Even if your REAL desire is an intimate relationship, you ignore that.
Your emotions are the best place to interrupt this process and make you sensible in observing and examining your thoughts.
So if you feel negative, take a few minutes and trace back the triggering thought. What did you think before you felt like that?
If you feel anxious about your new business, you maybe thought something like
“I am not good enough. I won’t make it anyway.”
Or if you feel scared or held back in your new relationship, you maybe thought
“He is not honest with me anyway. He will hurt me.” As a triggering thought.
If you take a few minutes, and maybe help yourself out with some journaling, you will always find the triggering thought for the feeling.
That is your chance to choose new.
Because neither are you a victim or a slave of your thoughts nor ARE you your thoughts.
Your thoughts are just random things your mind pops out. Some are helpful, and some are not. It is your CHOICE that makes them real.
If a thought would show up that says “Grass is blue” – you wouldn’t believe it, would you?
And if you feel weird or off, you unconsciously choose to believe the doubt, the fear or the jealousy.
Don’t judge yourself though. It’s human. Most of us just wake up to the fact that we control our minds and not the other way around.
It’s a process of becoming conscious of what is going on in your mind. To examine your thoughts and choose new is one part of it.
Alright, so why is this article called “burn the bridge”? What does that mean?
It means, that if you are about to embark into a new situation that you choose, like the relationship or business kind of thing, make a commitment to yourself to not one half of a second believe your own bullshit and back out.
Stay the course. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t accept and change the course in case you do fail, what could happen and you should totally be aware of that:
Your business can fail.
The guy absolutely could hurt you.
BUT THAT WON’T KILL YOU.
It is far less dangerous than your little prince presents it to you.
You are much more capable of dealing with failures and hurts than he lets you think you are.
YOU are so much more as somebody who needs to back out to be safe.
Be aware that something “bad” or unseen could happen at ANY time, but do what you wish to be true in your life anyway.
That’s the definition of bravery, by the way. You are scared, you notice your own bullshit but you do it anyway = brave.
Short side note here: If your little prince tells you to NOT jump off a cliff, he is probably right. But learn to distinguish between real life-threatening situations and the ones your little prince just lets them appear as such.
Just ask yourself the next time you are scared about something: Will somebody die or get severely damaged if I do that now?
If the answer is no, your little prince is bullshitting you with his paranoia.
That seems like a drastic question, but it makes a lot of sense to grasp the greatness of life through it.
The phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is not just a phrase. It’s the truth.
I worked in healthcare many, many years and I remember the first time I saw two anesthetists live and in action, putting people into narcosis for surgery.
These guys have the life of their patients literally on their fingertips. If they just for one second believe their own bullshit or follow their insecurities – THEN somebody dies.
I stood next to them, watching how they tried to put the tube they need to bring oxygen into the patient’s lungs to keep him alive during surgery, and the tube just didn’t want to fit.
It was horrible and fascinating at the same time. The blood oxygen monitor started to signal low oxygen levels every few minutes and faster every time they failed to put the tube in.
They had a balloon though, with which they manually pumped a bit oxygen into the lungs to then try again to put the tube in.
My heart beat faster, and I started sweating only from watching them.
What can I say? Do you really think these guys got just a slight bit nervous about what happened there? Maybe, but they didn’t buy into it. They stayed rock solid and calm.
They acted fast with a tremendous determination to get the patient set up for surgery – alive. And did everything necessary to make it happen without a blink of an eye. But they didn’t back out. They didn’t say after the third time the tube didn’t fit in: “Ok, fuck off. That’s it. I’m out. It didn’t work.”
These guys learned to not believe their own bullshit, i am sure about that.
Of course, they eventually fit the tube in and the patient was safe and got his treatment. Everything went fine.
Meanwhile the surgery, in a quiet moment I asked one of the guys how he could stay so calm in a situation like this, and his answer, with a smile on his face, was:
”What do you think would happen if I didn’t? I HAVE to.”
Solid like a rock. I was impressed. And still are.
He burned the bridge to back out into the possibility that his patient maybe doesn’t make it or that he has to pump the balloon manually until he wakes up.
You don’t have to be an anesthetist to develop this rock-solid core of confidence and trust in yourself.
You can do it at any time. You have the potential to believe in your true nature and true self by NOT believing your own bullshit.
By not going into your negative emotions. By not identify with these things, but by knowing that at every second of your life, you, your true self, has the steering wheel in hands.
Negative emotions aren’t negative per se; they are an indicator, you can learn from them, it is safe to feel them, to dissolve them, to change them.
You in your true nature are safe, no matter what.
Nothing can kill YOU, and nothing can define YOU.
YOU just are and always will be.