I always thought the more I please all the people around me, the more will they like me.
I was raised like that. And no, it didn’t work.
I thought if I just say “yes” to every – freaking – thing in my job, the more likely I will get the better position aka more money and less hours.
But the opposite happend.
If you set absolutely no boundaries, people start to treat you like sh*t. Because you allow them to and you can’t actually be mad at them because they can only mirror back to you how you treat yourself when you say “yes” to everything and everybody just to prove yourself that you are good enough.
Good enough for love.
Good enough for money.
Good enough for freetime.
Good enough for pleasure.
Good enough for fun.
Good enough for attention.
Good enough to be treated well.
Every time you say “yes” when you actually not really want it, not one – hundred percent fully hearted want to do it; your soul cries and hurts and your heart beat gets a bit quieter. At one point your heart and soul loose their trust in you and it gets harder for you to hear their guidance.
Nobody really likes people who rather say an half assed yes than have the balls and say NO.
As I realized that (and believe me, I had to almost touch my 30ies untill I got that, so it was a long process) – I did the only right thing and started to please the only person who’s opinion and wellbeing really matters to me: MYSELF.
I said NO to the extra hours at job.
I said NO when I was offered ridiculous salaries in interviews.
I started to say NO to people who were pretty demanding of me with sometimes the wildest request, like I once helped sombody two hours to make businesscards just to be asked one week later to do it again, because she accidentally deleted my work. What the fu…..kkk!!! NO.
Sorry, but not sorry anymore.
And I began to tell people what I really wanted. In the beginning that felt really bold.
I asked the waiter to give me new pasta, because mine was cold (I was told all my life that you have to be satisfied with what you get and NEVER ask for more or better).
I told the saleslady that i do not like these jeans that she was cheering up so hardly (seriously, there were times I would have bought them, only to not disappoint her).
I did all of that because the pain of not standing up for myself got so much bigger than my fear of rejection and disapproval.
And it worked.
It became a way of life for me.
I always do it in a loving way, never respectless – that’s my value.
And within a few years my salary almost doubled meanwhile my working hours cut in half.
I married the best man I could have ever imagined.
And I boldly teach people to do the same for themselves.
I love this path, it’s the most marvelous way of living for me.
Some people of my past left.
I didn’t miss them ever.
Because my world became a reflection of my inner truth and what I believe about myself and my values.
And this world is beautiful and cherishing and I love that.
So whatever you wish from the people or situations around you to give to you – give it to you first.
Nobody can give you anything that you don’t give to yourself or allow yourself to have first.
The world and everything in it only mirrors back to you what you believe to be true. So when you think you don’t deserve love – you won’t experience love. The shortest way is to allow yourself to love yourself first.
It sounds easy – and actually it is easy – but don’t be hard on yourself and try to force more love and appreciation. It’s a process. Walk it. Feel it. Allow it.