Radical Life Changes Happen When You Accept Yourself As You Are
Self-acceptance, self-love, being at peace with yourself – whatever you want to call it, the essence to just fucking love yourself no matter what.
Actually, there isn’t much more to say, but that wouldn’t fill a book, and you probably have questions like:
Why the fuck should I love myself?
Isn’t that all woo-woo stuff?
Or simply: How?
How can I love myself?
Or put me on a date?
Buy me flowers?
Yep, yep, and yep – all excellent questions, and I had them too when I realized for the first time that loving myself first would make my life much more comfortable and can end the search in the outside world for attention, acceptance, and love.
Loving yourself is more than just a concept. It’s a decision you make over and over again and again.
It became clear for me without realizing I rejected myself in so many areas.
I didn’t like how my body looked.
I didn’t like the amount of money in my bank account, and I didn’t like the way I walked.
I saw myself in a window and that moment when I shamefully thought: Man, I walk like a duck, I should fix that…. Uuumm what? It’s so crazy.
I think I said that at least a million times to myself until that point, but there is this one moment where you get conscious about what BS is going on in your mind.
Jesus, am I really criticizing the way I WALK?
How mean can somebody be with the person who is closest to her (or him). Me. Myself and I.
I mean, I walk like I walk.
I walk every day, thousands of steps from A to B to C.
And I seriously bullied myself for the way I walk?
When I realized that, I checked in with myself. It was maybe just a second but, I understood something.
A deep understanding of how I push myself away by not accepting so many aspects of myself settled in.
By avoiding to look at myself as I am.
By feeling ashamed about my weight, my face, the way I talk or – yeah, even walk.
And that’s me.
I mean of course you can always learn things, change things, get better at anything – for example learn how to make a certified badass catwalk – but that version of myself that I currently am is walking like that – over and out.
I want to hide my imperfect walking style from others, the same way I want to hide my belly or the clothes that do not really fit me.
What a masquerade and so senseless!
Others see me all the time, and they accept me like I am, and if not they can fuck themselves anyway – so why do I even bother to hide anything?
I want to hide it from myself, prove to myself that I am not good enough, that I am not something worth showing, I keep myself small and in the closet by that tactic.
And I think many of us play that game with ourselves.
You talk yourself into that stupid fairytale of imperfection.
You believe all these shameful thoughts about yourself whereas if you changed your perspective just for a second, you would know that you are adorable the way you are.
And accepting yourself as you are doesn’t mean you can’t grow. I totally know that fear. It goes something like:
OMG, but if I accept myself and stop pushing, what if I always stay like that?
Never lose weight?
Never be successful in my business?
Never find a man?
Yeah, what then?
Could you still love yourself if you had to stay exactly as you are, right at this moment for the rest of your life?
Sounds scary? Yes, I know, but check in with yourself.
And know that: what you resist persists, so in theory, if you want to change fast, accept yourself fully and completely as you are.
Accept your situation as it is.
And even before you can count to ten life will elevate you into the next level.
That’s a natural law like gravity.
Did you hear one of the numerous stories about women who couldn’t get pregnant and just as they found their peace with not being a mother – booom!
Yes. That is exactly that. Tension, resistance, and pressure make it impossible for you to change. You are stuck in your wanting.
Releasing expectations makes space for the universe to fill the void.
It is an eternal dance of finding, knowing and following your desires and at the same time being entirely in peace with who and where you are.
And even more: love who and where you are. The less you like it, the more you should love it, be thankful for it and learn whatever lesson you can get out of it.
How you ask?
Decide. Yeah. I used to hate that answer too, but it’s true. Your decision is what moves the mountain. Your whole life is the result of millions of decisions you made. Every day you decide tons of things and they get you to where you are at night.
So your decision matters and is the first step to everything you want to call in into your life, like self-love.
Decide to love yourself.
And observe how your focus shifts.
Because after you decided, self-love and acceptance are no longer concepts.
If you decided to love and accept yourself, and self-critical thoughts appear, you will look twice.
If you decided to love yourself and that soul sucking friend appears again and demands your attention when you were about to have a relaxing day for yourself – you will think twice.
And probably act differently than the last time.
Maybe you get inspired to invite yourself on a date or buy yourself flowers. Who knows.
Suddenly your wellbeing is important and your actions move towards loving yourself.
Suddenly you hear that self-defeating talk in your mind.
Don’t beat yourself up though. It’s just a fucking habit.
I needed time to get that, a part of me loved to beat myself up for every shit that happened, for every “wrong” thought that crossed my mind – perfectionism is for amateurs in that case…
Switch perspective and don’t even beat yourself up for beating yourself up. It may sound weird – but accept your every thought. Every single one.
Positive, negative, constructive, destructive.
Be the gentle observer (like Amanda Frances says). Encounter yourself with curiosity. Make it your intention every day to observe your thoughts and see them just as habits that you can change at any time – but at the same time be totally in peace with what you see would never ever again change.
I just recently read that everything that is made of mainly two parts: That what sees and that what is to be seen. And I think our mind is working the same way. If you listen inside yourself, there is an infinite silent place, yourSELF.
It exists beyond everything that you know or could grasp.
It is deep and silent and you can feel it any second, no matter what is going on around you. Meanwhile, I am writing that I am sitting In a full plane, with my niece next to me, sharing the music with her through earphones.
And even here, just through my intention, I feel this silent, wide and peaceful space inside me. It’s always there.
You just need to listen.
I think this is actually the part that observes. That SEES. And all the rest – our mind, actions, habits and whatever is there is the part that is seen.
The more you connect with that space that SEES, the more peace you are able to experience. That place is a place of love, fear has no space here.
This part knows that nothing you do, are or have can define you. Here lies the truth that you can not fuck it up.
No matter what the chatty, always busy part that is seen of you does, no matter which habits it has, which thoughts it thinks or things it does – nothing changes your true nature.
I think it’s easier from this perspective to choose love.
To forgive yourself, no matter what you did or think you did, forgive others no matter what they did or you think they did and accept yourself fully – no matter how much money is on your bank account or how weird you walk.
And what is left if you wouldn’t change from now on?
What could be a really proper motivation to accept yourself fully in today’s version when it’s not to evolve into the next version of yourself – get more, be more, do more?
Just imagine you would only have one more day to live – and I hope that is NOT the case and you have many, many, many, many joyful years in front of you BUT – what really counts here: Quantity or quality?
So, what would you choose, one day full of peace, the deepest love you can ever experience or 70 years of being in fear, disagreement, and struggle with yourself and life?
My choice is clear.
I love you!