All your desires were placed within you for a reason.
And maybe it’s easy to talk yourself into this whole shit of them being childish dreams and you have to be rational and blah blah blubb….
But what you really desire isn’t far away from you or impossible. When you desire it, it already exists. When you desire it, it is already waiting for you.
The first time in my life when that was really clear to me – no, when it was proven right – was when I met my husband.
Long before I met him, I was a heartbroken, sad and lonely.
After my last relationship ended I swore to myself to never ever let someone get close to me again. I was too afraid of being hurt and for two years my strategy seemed to work just fine – until I accidentally fell in love.
But he didn’t want a relationship and now I had a problem because after I opened up the doors to my heart just for one second, there was no coming back to normal.
My soul was screaming at me and I had to admit that I wanted to be loved. I was longing for intimacy with someone and I wanted to love and give and share my world and feelings.
I realized at that point how much my life actually sucked. I was living in a save bubble. Nobody was harming me but it was boring as fuck to watch everybody else play the game of life meanwhile I spent my Friday nights on the sofa watching TV. Alone.
There were layers of pain around my heart I had to walk through and I was super frightened to face them. Plus, I was out of the dating game FOR YEARS now.
So where should I begin?
I had no other option than to look at my pains and feel everything that I had suppressed all these years.
To my astonishment, I found out that even when these feelings were so bitter and it was quite tough to encounter them – they didn’t kill me. The thread can seem very real but eventually, they are just feelings and they are a part of you.
Every single time after I felt the fear or the anger, the grief, sadness, and powerlessness; after I gave them space to just be there and gently observed them and their message they left forever.
They left me with clear skies, lighter and relieved.
I asked for guidance because one thing was really clear for me: I wanted a relationship. It was my desire. I couldn’t escape my own yearning and it was my biggest challenge because I thought there is no way for me to get a relationship – at least not how I really wanted it to be. It was clear to me that I didn’t want just any guy who was willing to spend some of his time with me. I had wasted enough of mine already.
Luckily I stumbled upon an article of a psychologist who described that you should figure out what you really want to get the relationship you truly desire. I couldn’t even imagine at that point how right she was.
For me, it seemed merely ridiculous to write some lists to meet a guy. I couldn’t find any connection between both. But because I was pretty desperate, I gave it a chance.
And so I found myself writing my heart out.
How I want him to be?
Who do I want to be?
What are my hard nos in a relationship?
What do I want us to experience together?
It was so weird for me but at the same time, I felt some relief in writing these things out. Because what could even happen by trusting my feelings on a piece of paper? Nobody would ever see it so I could ignore all the shoulds and should not’s in my head and dream big. I allowed myself 200% to write down what crossed my mind. Frikin bold for me at that time. Badassery 2.0.
After I made my list, I felt great.
But still, I didn’t understand how four pages of words would bring me my dream man.
Well, they didn’t.
It took me one more year to finally meet him.
I still have the lists I wrote that day.
It’s this relationship – word by word.
And he was waiting for me. He was already there, all the time.
All I had to do was to get clear on what I really want.
Non-judgemental, free and radically honest.
It’s the only thing you ever have to do – be true to yourself and what you wish for.
Nothing is to weird or boring or crazy or whatever.
Did I had to renew my faith over and over again as it seemed it’s never going to happen?
Yes, a thousand times.
Did I fail?
Did I meet the wrong guys?
Yeah, a lot of them.
Have I hurt again?
But because I knew what I wanted nothing could stop me.
And so my hubby and I crashed into each other one night where I least expected it. Boom.
The rest is history.
I relate this story to almost everything in my life.
I figured that if THIS was possible for me to do, everything I desire MUST be possible, too.
Never settle for less than what your soul really wants.
You only have one life.
Don’t waste it.
I Love You!