I didn’t know what “moving through the fear” REALLY meant
even if I did it many times before, but until yesterday it was more a concept than a real experience for me.
I mean, I was afraid as I reduced at work to part-time without another source of income 6 years ago – meanwhile at the same time my ex-boyfriend moved out of our apartment.
Suddenly I had MORE expenses and LESS income.
I was super scared, I saw myself starve to death…but of course that didn’t happen.
I was afraid as i 2 years later left my cozy comfort zone because I was longing for an intimate relationship.
A healthy one.
A grown up one.
I encountered many of my rejected and buried emotions and even if it was an amazing time with all the dating and new experiences, stretching my comfort zone on this level left me scared breathless several times.
YES, I was hurt again and NO it didn’t kill me.
I eventually found my now – husband.
What a reward!
Then my soul craved another experience in this life.
I wanted to help women with what I learned over the years.
And another 2 years later i almost fainted when I pressed “publish” on my first blog.
The post didn’t get that much attention though, so I could have spared me the mindfuck I did around it…
Two years of blogging, trying and one “failed” business later i finally stepped into what is fully 1000% me:
Being the Coach/Teacher/Mentor – Being Linda fucking Martinez.
That’s what I was placed here to do.
That’s why I had to go through so much misery.
But that’s the point where the journey ACTUALLY begins.
Now, I have to grow this business.
Now, I have to make decisions.
Now, I have to walk my talk.
And so I was led to a program that deeply resonated with me.
I don’t sign up lightly in general.
But this time I felt it’s made for me.
BUT The investment made my BLOOD FREEZE.
Especially because right that day i literally spent my last 5 bucks, my credit cards are maxed out, no funds available – rather people waiting for their money and me ashamed AF that i can not hold my promise to them.
I invested sooo much already.
Blood, sweat and tears.
My mind went RIOT.
Screaming at me how I could even consider making that move.
Showing me every HORROR SCENARIO it could come up with.
It was hurting.
I was crying.
And deep down I KNEW that I have to move through this.
I never experienced resistance SO STRONG.
But I was awake enough to observe what was happening, even if it felt SO real.
Eventually I signed up.
I decided that I am worthy.
I decided to trust.
And right after I decided there was only silence in my mind.
The raging dog just disappeared.
And i sat there in absolute serene peace.
Do i know how this will go for me?
Do I know if my mind was right with its horrible prophecies?
But I choose to trust.
I choose to be safe.
And I choose to take myself and my mission so serious that I do EVERYTHING that I feel to be necessary – even if it costs me one full day of suffering and craziness.
I do WHATEVER to bring my message out there and to help those who are waiting to be supported on their journey.
I rarely felt so committed in my life. So if there is one thing I can tell you by heart: no matter what you crave and no matter how your mind is trying to pull you away from it –